Rest

I often lay in bed at night, exhausted, yet I can not fall asleep. My mind is too awake. Not only awake, but running a marathon. I think over the day, and all the things I could've done, should've done and just didn't want to do. I think about the the things I saw on TV, the news, the movie I watched, and American Idol season seven (hi, my name in Tanya and I'm an addict. I can not stop watching this ridiculous show). The math page I forgot to finish w/ Maddy, and the kitchen floor that I put off washing for the 78th night in a row. Why did I eat all that chocolate, and does it negate the workout I did? I think of my failures; my snapping at the kids, my lack of patience and gentleness, not being the woman I know I can be- and I am burdened and heavy hearted.

And then I obsess over the things I need to do the next day. In which order should I run my errands to make the best use of my time and my gas. I wonder,will the mountain of laundry that is permanently embedded in my living room chair be there forever? Will I get around to that floor, or what? And what about all those phone calls to make, bills to mail out, schedules to organize?

And then I remember to pray. I hear the voice, 'Be still and know that I am God,' Psalm 46:10. As a mother, wife, woman; stillness goes against my nature. Yet, at night, in the darkness of my room, I can finally find my secret place. I can pray without speaking, just by opening up my heart. I can breathe Him in and listen to the silence that I know is His presence. I can feel the peace, the tranquillity that is one of my miracles, because I do not get that on my own. I can rest.

Not the rest of my body, which I eventually get each night; I do sleep. Not the rest of my mind, which I can get by blocking out my surroundings and losing myself in a book. But the rest of my spirit. Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-29, 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.' I am so thankful that I have learned how to do that. And that He, as always, keeps up His end of the deal.