Today

We leave for our vacation in a few short hours. My boys are sick w/ fevers, so I allowed myself to sleep in (7:30) because I probably won't get to again for a while. Especially if the rest of my children; or someone else's; gets sick on our trip. Please pray for us.
But, anyway, when I woke up, instead of being excited, my heart was heavy. Hurt. I had a horrible dream; I do dream a lot; but it wasn't one of those 'too many oreos' dreams. It was a dream that could actually happen.
I dreamt that I lost a dear friend. Not in death. But a woman relatively new in my life, who I love and respect and admire. And when she found out who and what I was, before Christ began his work in me, she couldn't handle it, and had to 'break up' , so to speak, with me. And I couldn't fault her for it either. I do not like the woman I used to be. Actually, I hate her, and the only thing good that comes from my past life of sin, is that God has brought me out of it and I can see the changes He's made in me, teaching me from my mistakes. Which I am eternally grateful for.
Does anyone remember that old 80's Carman video, where he is battling w/ a demon or something, and he says, "when Satan reminds the saints of their past, that is when God reminds him of his future", and the demon/witch person is defeated. I LOVE that video, and that very thought. I know that God has forgiven me, and removed my sin as far as the east is from the west, from me. I know that those I've wronged have forgiven me; or I've at least attempted to gain forgiveness.
Nor am I one who hides from my past. I couldn't if I tried. But what do you do when you meet someone new? (And that is a big answer to prayer; I've prayed earnestly for new, Godly women friends. He's answered that prayer, and restored old ones to me.) Does one say, "Hi I am Jane Doe, and I was ... an alcoholic, a druggie, in jail, a thief, lost my children due to abuse, alienated from my family because I hated them..." or whatever. By the way, those are not my past issues, in case you're wondering. I could ramble, I suppose I already have. But I did want to share.
So, as I got out of bed, feeling physically heavy, I prayed, "Lord, I need something from your word today." And I sat here to do my daily bible reading; I am not one of those open-your-bible-to-a-random-place-and-that-is-Gods'-Word-for-you-today. Although I'm sure that works for some. So my reading today in the New Testament was this:

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

1 Corinthians 1:18-25

That was just a portion, but I couldn't read any farther. God chose ME. Lowly and despised. Weak. It is because of HIM, that I am in Christ. I am redeemed. I am sobbing as I type, for it was for me that He died. For me. I have no more to add. I am thankful and blessed beyond measure. I can't fathom that kind of love.