I'm really not any of those things. Well, maybe I am and just have not been diagnosed yet. But I'm already getting off track. Maybe I have ADHD. And I'm not mocking any of these things, really. I know they exist, and have honestly wondered I have some sort of ... thing.
Some days, like yesterday, I felt like an abysmal failure. Wanted to 'quit', although, how one quits mothering, I don't know. I let the bad get the best of me, and I wallowed in my self-pity and self-inflicted misery.
Yet other days; and I wish I could say, 'like today', but I'm not quite there yet; I feel hopeful, optimistic, focused on my Savior and my God given purpose in life.
I thank you dear, sweet ladies for those encouraging words on my dark, depressed post. I appreciate them, and I know they are true.
I'm just a little lost. Why do my children fight like they were raised by gang members in the Bronx? Why can they be sweet angels to the little ones at church, yet treat each other like rival gang members they wanna 'take out'? Why is making someone upset a pleasure? Why is farting and burping during school sooo dang funny? Why do the words come from my mouth, only to evaporate into thin air, well before they reach the ears of my offspring? Why do they find bathing so offensive? And brushing hair or teeth, well, I think they'd prefer surgery!
Okay, so you get the point. They are all quoting "all the way, right away, in a happy way" like troopers when I ask them how they are supposed to obey. But I'm guessing it hasn't quite registered yet. I'm working on it, though, I really, really am.
So, again, I'm off. School beckons. Errands today. Free iced coffee at Dunkin'. Library. Blah, blah, blah. Josie is waiting with her full basket of laundry. I'm showing her, again, how laundry is done. Josh did his already. Also have to have the little boys clean their toxic waste room, oh, I mean bedroom.
Pray that by my next post, I'll be upper. And, just so you know I'm not truly miserable, other areas of my life are going well. I love my hubby too much, and our relationship is getting better every day. I'm more on track w/ issues I've had- not sharing, would take waaay too long.
Have a lovely day, I'm gonna try to.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
i'm tellin ya...manic depressive is really not all that bad...mania is amazing...LOL..it's the depression that sux. Anyways, i'm praying for you dear, as always, and i'm here if you ever need to talk or anything. I love you!
ReplyDeletepraying..it's a day by day thing..
ReplyDeleteAh, But you are not alone! My kids hate each other too....JK.
ReplyDeleteWe are working hard every day to be more loving. We are praying for it every night, and I asked my mom if I was like this when I was little and she said yes.
With the obedience part. It is a heart issue. We need to discuss it with them every time and be consistant. We can not change their heart, only God can. When I look at my children's behavior I see me and God many times over. My rebellion and his patience. keep striving. It will all work out in the end...
farting is only funny when it annoys people, is that how you spell "annoy"?
ReplyDeleteLife. "In this world you will have troubles, but take heart I have overcome the world." Oh sweetie. You are not alone. Every day I make a choice to get out of bed. Every day I consider NOT getting out of bed. All of my duties call to me and I weary before I even take the first step. Remember that your duties here day in and day out may not seem glorious and amazing, but they are. They are as glorious as a movie made about Mother Teresa in the streets of Calcutta. We serve Christ where He puts us. It helps me sometimes to think that I am gloriously serving Christ just as greatly in my small little unseen duties and with my perseverance with my training of my children as a missionary in Africa giving water to a starving child. We must do what God has given us to do. Just keep on keeping on..."Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!"
ReplyDelete